


I Love Your Mess

by Kylo Hux (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Series: You Touched Me, and Suddenly, I was a Lilac Sky [23]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actor!Ben, Alternate Universe - Earth, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Judge!Hux, M/M, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Protective Hux, Protective!Hux, Vulnerable Ben Solo, Vulnerable!Ben, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5898466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/Kylo%20Hux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben still doesn't understand why Hux remains by his side everyday. Hux sometimes has to remind him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love Your Mess

Ben leaned back in his chair, long legs moving to curl up on the armchair with him, feet hanging just over the edge of the faded leather. He was tired, exhausted from a long day of auditions and rejections. He could hear Hux in the kitchen, clattering away as he did the week’s worth of washing up – neither male could be bothered to do it throughout the week, and now they were running out of crockery.

Ben shifted around, finally settling down with his back curved against one arm of the armchair, legs draped over the other, staring up at the ceiling. There were a few mould spots again, and Ben swore he was going to kill their neighbours in the apartment upstairs. How hard was it to keep water off their floors?

Sighing, Ben ran a hand over his face, feeling the hard, cold lump of a ring pressing into his skin. Lifting his left hand, Ben stared at the platinum and onyx ring on his ring finger, sparkling dimly in the soft light.

He should be happy, he should smile every time he saw it, and he should laugh and be grateful that he had a husband that loved him, but... Ben closed his eyes, sniffling a little.

“Love?”

Ben jumped half out of his skin and turned his head to see Hux leaning in the kitchen doorway. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and the top two buttons on his shirt had been undone, showing the top of his chest. His ginger hair looked slightly dull in the darkening skylight, and it was askew – Ben wondered if Hux had been running his hand through it.

What really got Ben, were Hux’s eyes.

The silvery-blue orbs were round, shining with happiness – like they did every time Hux looked at Ben; it was a source of guilt, if Ben were to be honest. He never had that look around Hux. Worry was edging the happiness, and Ben realised with a jolt that Hux had probably been worrying about him all day.

“Were you disappointed when you got to know me?”

Hux looked taken aback, eyes widening as he paused in drying his hands off. Silence fell between them and insecurity flared in Ben’s mind. His breath caught in his throat and he looked away.

It obviously panicked Hux; almost immediately a strained “how can you ask that?” came from the man’s lips.

Ben hugged his chest tightly, clenching his eyes shut as he tried not to cry. “I’m such a mess.”

That was the only thing really secure about Ben. The only thing you could count on, and Hux knew that. To this day, Ben didn’t know why Hux had stayed with him, especially when, on more than one occasion, he’d come home to find Ben screaming and sobbing in a dark corner, tugging on his hair, kicking and punching the wall, trying to shut his own mind up.

Ben was all too aware of the silence in the room; it was suffocating him, pressing down on his chest so hard he couldn’t breathe. He dared to open his eyes to stare at the ceiling again; he dared to flick them to the side to watch Hux.

He was just standing there, staring at Ben as if he’d grown two heads. “It’s been a bad day, hasn’t it?”

Ben sniffed a little and turned his attention to his nails, picking at his cuticles. Hux moved across the room and sat on the coffee table in front of his husband. Tears welled in Ben’s eyes and Hux had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around Ben.

Instead, he rested his left hand on Ben’s knee, making sure that the metal on his ring finger glinted, a gentle reminder that they were joined for life.

“I’m starting to wonder if acting is a decent job.”

Hux snorted and shook his head. “You are a _wonderful_ actor, Ben-”

“Then why can’t I get a damn gig?!”

“Because, they don’t see what they’re missing, all these directors and producers. No, you haven’t had an acting gig yet, and you keep being pulled back and back... but arrows have to be pulled back before they go flying on to greater things,” Hux smiled as he rubbed Ben’s legs, watching him relax under the touch.

Ben sniffed again and rolled over so he could watch Hux. “You always had everything so worked out, so... planned, and then I showed up and screwed it all up... why? Why do you stay with me? I don’t understand why you married me – damn it, Hux, I don’t get what you see in me!”

“I love your mess.”

Ben fell silent, frowning a little.

“I _love_ it when you wake me up at 3am because the thunders too close, it’s too loud and, even though you won’t admit it, you’re scared. I love when you pass by me in Wal-Mart and smack my arse less than discreetly, making old women tut at us. I love when you get home late, but you’re smiling, and your hair is a mess because you spent time just running through the rain.  
I _love_ that you screw around with my routines. I love that you just leave dirty dishes everywhere and then complain when I ask you to move them. I love that you never make the bed, or that you don’t wash away your toothpaste after you spit in the morning.  
I _love_ that you always get me in the damn papers. I love that, even when I ask you to behave, because I know the paparazzi are around, and you do something so stupid and embarrassing that I end up splashed all over the papers. I love it when I walk into my quarters – which are for judges only, I should let you know – and you’re just draped in my chair, grinning away with lunch for us both on the desk.”

Hux paused and moved to kneel on the floor in front of Ben, hand cupping his cheek and thumb gently stroking over his smile.

“I even love it when your depression acts up, Ben, my love.”

Ben’s smile turned to a frown.

“Why?”

“Because I get insecure – what actor wants to spend all their time with a judge? What actor marries a damn judge?” Hux ran his hand through Ben’s hair. “I love it when you get insecure because... I do too. It sounds selfish but, when you get insecure, it reminds me that you’re scared to lose me, just like I’m scared to lose you. That’s why. I love you, I love your mess. Your mess is a part of you, and you can’t help that... what kind of husband would I be if I judged you for all of that?”

Tears had started tracking down Ben’s face and he smiled weakly, reaching out to pull Hux in for a kiss and a hug.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me, love... although you can later, if you want.” Hux winked and both men burst out laughing.

Hux leaned in and gently kissed away the tears on Ben’s face before he sniffed.

“How about, we order that disgusting take out you like, curl up on the roof and just watch the stars, huh?”

Ben hesitated a little before he nodded, leaning up for another kiss.

The actor watched his husband head into the kitchen, grabbing the phone on his way and he smiled.

Sure, life sucked... but Hux definitely made it worth living.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:
> 
>  _“Were you disappointed when you got to know me?_  
>  _"How can you ask that?”_  
>  _"I'm such a mess."_  
>  _"I love your mess."_  
>  Come request at me: i-look-so-good-in-blue.tumblr.com/ask
> 
> [Requesting Guidelines](http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1so7foh)  
> Tumblr tag: kylo hux ao3


End file.
